Dieu trompeur

I thought I heard my dad speaking, but when I turned off the television there was only the sound of the refrigerator and the drip of the faucet. Odd. I miss him. He was a good man, regardless of what mother says.

There really isn't anything on television now and I am pretty sure there won't be in an hour. I really should go to bed, but I know I won't be able to sleep. I would rather just crash on the couch. It always seems more comfortable than my bed, more warm, less alone. Like at any moment someone I love could knock on the door and I would already be in the living room, and I would invite them in and we would have a beer and talk about the latest Mets game. My dad loved the Mets.

God, I could swear I heard him. He sounded like he always did, with the subtle rasp and grain that came with his affinity for Camel 100's. What a great guy. On my 18th he gave me the pocket knife he got by saving up his Camel Cash. I still use the damn thing every day.

It sounded just like him. It sounded something like "And we aren't going to go there again, something something I gotta, something something Dorothy." Dorothy? I don't know a Dorothy. Do I know a Dorothy? Did Dad know a Dorothy? Mother did say he had had an affair. Maybe it was this girl Dorothy.

That's insane, it wasn't dad. He's gone, I was just hearing things. It's way too late. But it sounded just like him. His cadence and everything. It was like he was in the other room, my bedroom.

I don't think I am going to go to bed. If it is his ghost, I'm not saying it is 'cause ghosts don't exist, but if it is his ghost I really don't want to be around it. Him. I don't want to be around him. I mean, I do. I would. I would if he was alive, but he's not, and I don't like the idea that he's floating around my home talking to the woman he cheated with.
I mean I miss the guy, but ghost don't exist and even if they did, I wouldn't want anything to do with them.

I am just going to quickly grab a blanket and a pillow and sleep on the couch. There aren't ghosts, Dad's dead. I miss him though. I swore I could have heard him.