Fidel et Ratio

It is late. My firstborn just went to bed after a long debate over why drawing on himself isn't appropriate. He'll still do it. Hell still draw picture of skulls and guns on his biceps, but it doesn't really matter. They all look like misshapen bowling balls and twigs, so there really isn't a problem. I mostly just don't like having to scrub the ink stains off his sleeves.

We need to get cable. Ive seen this episode of Raymond twice already. I should just go to bed. My husband is off at a men's Bible study. He wont be home until ten, but then hell just want to watch the news anyway. Did he take his keys? If he did I could go to bed now. Ill just change into my pajamas and read.

I hate reading, but I feel so guilty if I don't. If I don't read I have nothing to talk about except my soaps, and Jake doesn't like me watching them. He says that they are addicting and that they let Satan into our house. Hes the one who brings Satan, not me. Hes the one with the pornography problem.

I do like to read Jake's Popular Science magazines, so long as I don't find a Playboy page folded inside. The stuff they are doing with science is really amazing. You know they can inject a chip under the skin of your children so if they are lost the police can find them? My husband says that it will lead to the mark of the beast, but I don't worry. I would rather feel safe about our sons than worry about the end of the world. I don't think the end will come for a while, but everyone in our study group says its only years away.

They only say that because they don't like where things are going. They don't know that cell-phones are safe and they think space travel is an insult to God. They don't read Popular Science. They don't know. Things work. God made technology just as much as he made Adam and Eve. Just as he made the oceans. Just as he made sex.

The pornography is taking its toll on our marriage. Jake wont touch me. I understand its because his hormones are going through a change just like my menopause. We are all systems, systems of chemicals. If my husband would actually read Popular Science and not just hide pictures of naked women, he would know this. I guess that's not within his nature.

God set all this into motion, like the big bang that our sons devil-teachers teach him about. I mean, you have to look at science. God made science. God made the natural laws. I'm here because of a long chain of things. My husband says I'm being irrational. He says I'm being blasphemous. He's the one who has to look at naked women.

Maybe I'm wrong, but if I am it is because of a long chain of things that made me think like this. God's the one that made me wrong. Hes the one that made my husband with his addiction. Hes the one that made our youngest get sick last week. But hes good. So these things have to be necessary, they have to be good. Just because I don't know how, doesn't mean it cant be.

John 1:5
et lux in tenebris lucet et tenebrae eam non conprehenderunt